It’s a terrible thing being a grown-up. As Dave Lister put it, you become “reliable, sensible, dependable… and lots of other words that end in ible.” In particular, you find yourself doing all manner of things you don’t want to do in the present in order to protect your (and your family’s) future.
Last week I had a smear test, today I’ve booked an appointment for another go at giving blood (did it three times last time around – wet myself, fainted and nearly threw up. Not all at the same time, fortunately.) and tomorrow I’m going into hospital to have a hemorrhoid removed. Every winter I get a flu shot, even though I hate needles. I pay money I can ill afford into my pension and yet more for life insurance and critical illness cover. I have a will that names a guardian for my child. I’ve even started a pension for her, even though she’s only three.
Sometimes, adult life seems to consist entirely of ‘today, I need to’ instead of ‘today, I want to’. I’d like to smell the roses in the garden, but first I have to load the dishwasher, put on some washing, tidy up, answer some emails, get my library books ready to return, take in the food delivery, clean the windows… It’s been sunny all day and the only time I set foot in the garden was when I put the dolls pram out in the sunshine to try and bleach out the mold stains. That’s not right.
Tomorrow, I’ll try and focus on the here and now a little more. After the hemorrhoid surgery, that is.